Symptoms again..

Today is day 28, I have some dragging kind of pain on my right side its a strange feeling. I'm still knackered, still have the spots, I have had some nausea in the mornings and I'm very tearful, my eyes just keep filling with tears at random things.

There's always something to worry about..

Now I am worrying that I am only just ovulating now. But I don't know how that can be when I got my positive OPK on sunday...its just the crampiness I am getting making me thing that.

Symptom spotting..

I think its best for me to write down how I'm feeling so that if it doesn't happen this month I can compare it with next month and so on.

So today is day 25 ... I have spots on my chin that are sore, I have some crampiness in my lower back on the left. My hair was washed last night and so far is still clean and lovely.

Lovely thought..

Today I got a little card in the post from one of my "faceless friends" (as Col would call them) Sophie. Sophie runs one of the forums I go on and is so lovely and supportive and thoughtful.

I've just realised in the first picture, there is another card from her in the background which came with some flowers that the forum sent me just after my ectopic. Thanks again Sophie, its so lovely of you to think of me xx

Sticks

Just for my own reference

Exhausted

I'm so tired, I'm glad this is all over with for another month and I am praying this month we have done it. Last night I took my folic acid and realised I have enough for the rest of my 2ww - I'm hoping its a sign as I bought those folic acid when we first started trying just before my ectopic. Have decided I am going to test next saturday (5th) It doesn't sound so far away that way and its only 1 day before I should x

Two Week Wait

So i'm officially on the horrible two week wait, I should be able to test on 7th September if AF hasn't showed by then. This first week will be fine...it's the last week where is starts getting hard so somebody best pop round towards the end of next week to take all the pregnancy tests off me!!

I work!!

I haven't posted for a few days as I started to get a bit down hearted after my lines on the OPK's started fading before I'd had a positive. But last night it got dark again and tonight ...

Yes that is a smilie face!! I never thought I'd see it, so obviously I ovulate later than I think. Today is day 21, its almost as exciting as a BFP!!

Today's OPK

Todays Yesterdays

The line was darker on the cheapy but it didn't show on the camera. Still no smilie face but definately a darker line? What do you think? Also, TMI but I am getting more CM so I think we're nearly there. I worked out last night month I must've ovulated on day 24...no wonder I didn't get pregnant I thought I was on my 2WW by then.

So far..

Day17 Still no positive OPK but the line is getting darker and the signs that its just around the corner are there.

I have also worked out I am best off doing them at 7.30pm so thats when I'm doing them now.

Reminiscing

I don't only think about getting pregnant (see my other blog http://all-that-glitters-and-sparkles.blogspot.com/ ) but today I have been thinking back to when I met Col. In november we will have been together for 7 years..which feels like a lifetime. I was 16 when we met and he was 21, I was out on a saturday night with my friends and I spotted a guy who had poured a drink over my friend a few weeks earlier so I collared him to give him an earfull and when we were talking his friend walked up the stairs and he introduced us and it was my husband! His friend left us chatting and dancing and stuff and we swapped numbers, I did what was my usual trick in them days of just giving him my phone to put my number in, usually (back then) I put my number in their phone but he didn't have his. I knew I wanted to see him again, else I wouldn't have bothered, so I dragged him down to the reception of the club and got a bit of paper and wrote my number down for him.

I reminded him a few weeks ago that, that night he had been going on about going to the gym and I acted all impressed (haha!) and he was lifting up his top to show me (there actually wasn't anything there but he was very slim) and he said he'd buy me a drink if I gave him a kiss (I wonder how many girls he used this line on!!) being one to do anything for a free drink I did kiss him but never got my drink. He went home and I went back to find my friends, his weirdo mate from earlier (Dave he is called, Col's best mate) found me and asked where Col was, when I told him he'd gone home he attatched himself to my group. We walked back to the taxi office, singing Babylon to Dave (as we thought he looked like David Grey). I got home and phoned Col...yes I was VERY keen! Anyway, Dave asnwered and I ended up talking nonsense to him and then Col came in ..god knows where he had got to I will ask him later. And we chatted for a while, he said he'd phone the next day and we'd go out. But I rang him first..this is often something Col winds me up about but I really liked him. I must've known we were meant to be though to put that much effort in because I hadn't done it with anyone else I'd met. We went out that night to the cinema and watched "28 days later" I was so shy and didn't know what to say to him. We met a couple of other times that week and on the thursday was when he asked if I wanted to start seeing him properly..that sounds so silly now when I think about it.

Anyway that was a bit rambly but it was a nice trip down memory lane. Here is a picture of us on that thursday night. Note the blonde hair, bad skin and very pale face, and Col's rather drunken face.

And here is Dave with us at Col's dad's wedding. I suppose I have him to thank.

Here is a more recent drunken picture of a rare night out on our own

This is us on our engagement in August 2003

And us on our wedding day in September 2009

Meltdown

In the past month I have "heard" of about 20 people being pregnant with their second babies...so its probably understandable why last night I completely broke down on my dad and Col. I told my dad exactly how I was feeling..which was weird because I didn't want to tell my parents or anyone "in real life" that we are trying again because I don't want them to know we're having some problems.

I feel like giving up...I really feel like its never going to happen and I can't keep doing it because its heartbreaking every day. I know I need to stop going on forums because this is what makes me worse but I have friends there and I wouldn't have anyone else to talk to. Still, I think its something I'm going to have to do soon because I am going to end up losing the plot otherwise.

Day 13, still no positive OPK.

I'm back

I haven't posted since my Dr's appointment, more so because I've been pretty busy. So I went to the Dr and she thought it best to have a scan which I had on thursday. Everything was fine at the scan except I have a 23mm cyst on my right ovary. She said this could be due to ovulation or its just a cyst and they don't do anything with them when they are that small. Luckily (?) its on the side where I have no tube anyway, so I'm hoping its not really going to affect us. But I'm having some pain on my right side which is going down into my thigh.

Anyway, so I originally said this month was just going to be me trying to sort out my cycle but I've decided to give the Deanna/SMEP a go. So fingers crossed it works. I thought I'd share this picture with you, if you too are a POAS addict it will probably give you a giggle.

This is my bathroom cupboard

You might spy some pink post it notes on a couple of them, thats because one of my lovely forum friends send me a little package yesterday with the CBD OPK's, a CB test, a huge bar of chocolate (in case of a BFN) and a party popper (incase of BFP). Isn't she lovely? x

Going to the Dr's

No doubt to be told I'm paranoid!!

My stupid body (again)

So my period started on monday, I had bad cramps...if I'm honest a lot of them were on my left (my good side) but I've had them on both sides. But it didn't get heavy, my usual AF is 3 days and the first day is always really heavy and it takes another 2 days to tail off and for it to completely go is usually about 4-5 days as I spot a little bit for the last 2 days. So monday there wasn't a lot but it was red, yesterday there was nothing except from when I wiped.

Sorry this is a TMI post.

So I posted on the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust (EPT) forum and some of the girls said I should go to the GP and request a blood test. I've tested again and its negative, the last time my period was like this was when I was pregnant but didn't know and that was my ectopic pregnancy. I just feel stupid going to the Dr and saying "I've had negative pregnancy tests but I think somethings wrong" I have a fear of the Dr because I think they will put everything down to weight, I'm not massively over weight but I know I could lose a stone or so...its never been mentioned by a Dr before but I have only been to the Dr recently for pregnancy issues so I figured they're not going to say anything then. I know there is a locum at our Dr's at the moment and they are usually a lot easier to deal with...

I don't know what to do, I want to phone my mum but I think she's fallen out with me because I haven't offered to look after my little brother this week (long story!) and as much as I appreciate my friends online advice I would rather speak to someone who knows me. Col hasn't got a clue when it comes to this stuff.

Its here

My period came this morning. Originally I felt happy and phoned Col to say we wouldn't be putting a lot of effort in this month as I want to try and get my cycle back to normal..somehow!

But now I feel very down :(