Giving up..

I've decided to give up trying. I can't keep putting myself through this every month, we've just entered month 8 now. I know 8 months isn't a long time but its so hard and I can't do it anymore, even Col is starting to get down about it and I never thought that would happen. I just feel like every day, or every week someone else gets pregnant. I have to look at the tickers every day for their pregnancy or even someone else's and it just upsets me. Its turning me into a person who I don't want to be, I have seen women struggle to get pregnant and how they are towards other pregnant women and I don't want to be like that.

Alice is more than either of us every hoped for, and she is enough for me. I haven't told Col but I'm sure he will understand. Someone told me I was strong yesterday and I'm not I just put on a front because its so tiresome to always be down.

Down

So once again its been a while since I blogged. Its day 25 now, I think I ovulated around day 15 but I was poorly at the time. I was feeling so positive, we worked out if I was pregnant my 6 week scan would be just before christmas eve and how exciting it would be to tell our families over xmas. On saturday I just went downhill, I've felt so down and negative. I'm resentful to pregnant people, I hate people feeling sorry for me and hoping that it will happen, I know that sounds awful but this is how I'm changing I just feel stupid when people are saying Oh I hope it will happen soon. I don't want people to say that to me.

I'm taking a break from forums for my own sanity, I'm reading threads from pregnant people and feeling so negative towards them and I don't want to. I'm even feeling like that to Col, if he tries to cuddle me I don't want him to and I just want to be left alone. I don't know whats wrong with me but I need to stop feeling like this because I hate it.