Its never going to happen...

You know when you just have this feeling? I have it in my gut, I know I am never going to get pregnant again. And I wish I could just give up and stop trying and stop putting myself through this month after month, I've had 10 months of disapointment and I don't think I can take anymore.

I don't want to do it anymore, yesterday I felt like deleting every pregnant person, or someone who is likely to get pregnant from my Facebook friends. I didn't, I hid a few people so I don't see their status' because it upsets me. Not because I'm a bitch, or that I don't like you. Its for my own sanity. Everytime I see one of those status' I cry, I feel down all day. Its just happened now, Alice was eating her lunch and I was just having a look on FB before I got ready to do some exercise whilst she napped and then another pregnancy announcement made me cry and now I just want to sit here and be sad and feel sorry for myself.

I actually deactivated my FB account 2 weeks ago because I'd had enough, but I remembered that all my family like to keep up with what Alice is doing through it as they don't get to see her very often. The best thing for me to do is just have family and my real life friends on there but I don't want to do that as I like seeing everybody's pictures and updates. But really, Facebook is the worse thing for me.

You can probably tell how fed up and down I am feeling from this post, I can't even put in words how I'm feeling. You know when you have been pregnant and its been successful and then you move onto the year after your pregnancy and you feel nostalgic because "Ooh this time last year I was so many weeks pregnant" well thats how I feel now, except its not nostalgia, its a sick feeling that its nearly a year and nothing has changed.

Another month over..

This month was not our month. I don't really know what more I can do. I think I might give some vitamins a go. A lot of people have been reccomending Mumomega but its £10 for a month's supply, but its supposed to work. Is anything going to work for me though? I'm trying to stay positive and think well its another month to lose some weight but its still hard.

Resisting testing...

Is so so hard!!

Period should be due tommorow has it will have been 14 days since the positive OPK, if not tommorow then monday. I was so tempted to do a test this morning but didn't, I would rather give my period chance to arrive first as I've said lots of times seeing my period is less heartbreaking than seeing a negative test. It also saves money.

Symptoms (I know, i know)

weeing lots!
Oily skin and hair
Freezing one minute, burning up the next
cramps
lower back ache
tiredness
Really really weird dreams! Last night I dreamt we had nowhere for alice to sleep in her cot so we had to put it outside in the neighbours garden! Then we lived near mountains which were on fire, all the pavements and roads were on fire so we had to walk in a field but we had to walk on all these giant leeks (yes the vegetable) which were lay on the ground and they went on forever!! When we got home someone had stolen my memory card out of the camera, it turned out to be my auntie who had turned evil so I tried to kill her by hitting her on the head with the camera!???!

I am mainly writing my symptoms down so that if this isn't our month then I can refer back to it next month xx

1 year ago today..

I found out I was pregnant.

I don't feel really upset, I feel pretty sad but I don't feel as if I could cry (not like I did this morning when Col told me Katie had married Alex and I felt sorry for Pete!!????) I think the 26th will be harder, I just hope there is something to help me get through it xx

1 Week Wait

So my period is due this sunday. I keep getting butterflies when I think about it which I have never had, I think I have just put a lot of focus into this month and I think that if I'm not pregnant I have given up hope of it happening naturally.

My skin is pretty oily at the moment and my hair isn't staying clean for very long. This morning I woke up with some cramping too.