You know when you just have this feeling? I have it in my gut, I know I am never going to get pregnant again. And I wish I could just give up and stop trying and stop putting myself through this month after month, I've had 10 months of disapointment and I don't think I can take anymore.
I don't want to do it anymore, yesterday I felt like deleting every pregnant person, or someone who is likely to get pregnant from my Facebook friends. I didn't, I hid a few people so I don't see their status' because it upsets me. Not because I'm a bitch, or that I don't like you. Its for my own sanity. Everytime I see one of those status' I cry, I feel down all day. Its just happened now, Alice was eating her lunch and I was just having a look on FB before I got ready to do some exercise whilst she napped and then another pregnancy announcement made me cry and now I just want to sit here and be sad and feel sorry for myself.
I actually deactivated my FB account 2 weeks ago because I'd had enough, but I remembered that all my family like to keep up with what Alice is doing through it as they don't get to see her very often. The best thing for me to do is just have family and my real life friends on there but I don't want to do that as I like seeing everybody's pictures and updates. But really, Facebook is the worse thing for me.
You can probably tell how fed up and down I am feeling from this post, I can't even put in words how I'm feeling. You know when you have been pregnant and its been successful and then you move onto the year after your pregnancy and you feel nostalgic because "Ooh this time last year I was so many weeks pregnant" well thats how I feel now, except its not nostalgia, its a sick feeling that its nearly a year and nothing has changed.
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